RECLAIMING PLEASURE: SEX TOYS AND THE IMPORTANCE OF MASTURBATION

For those of us with vulvas, talking about sex toys and masturbation can sometimes feel like an inside joke — something that we laugh and whisper about amongst ourselves, only opening up to those that we trust and are “in on it”.

​

The secretive way we usually talk about sex toys and masturbation is a direct reflection of their taboo nature in society, especially for women and non-binary people who are continually made to feel shame around these topics. But while sex toys and masturbation are still taboo topics, they are one of the most efficient ways for those with vulvas to orgasm.

​

“When masturbating, 95% of women reach orgasm more consistently and faster”, says Lucy Litwack for Harper’s Bazaar, touching on the impact masturbation can have on reaching orgasm. While this statistic only focuses on women, and not all people who were assigned female at birth, it offers insight into how vital masturbation is for those with vulvas.

​

If sex toys and masturbation are so important in helping those with vulvas orgasm, why are they still a taboo? The answer can perhaps be found in the purity culture that still dominates our society’s views towards women and femmes, and their sexuality. The age-old image of the ‘pure, innocent’ women still works its way into our perceptions of sex and gender.

​

The lack of teaching on female pleasure in sex education convinces us that pleasure is just a secondary effect of sex and doesn’t teach us to prioritise it. According to societal norms, those with vulvas are supposed to be passive in their experience of sex instead of proactive in their pursuit of pleasure. So, when we do actively seek sexual pleasure, especially through solo activities like masturbation or through using a sex toy, shame often creeps in.

​

Purity culture still looms over society, making women and non-binary people feel ‘unpure’ and ‘dirty’ for wanting to experience sexual pleasure, especially sexual pleasure outside of relations with men. Too often is our sexuality presented as a product for male consumption, and rarely just for us.

​

This attitude is slowly shifting, however, and there are many sex positive educators who focus on sex toys and empowering those with vulvas to actively take a hold of their sex lives through masturbation.

​

In true Gen-Z fashion, Instagram is a great place to follow sex positive accounts such as @nakedgrapefruitt and @thevagnetwork. Many sex positive social media spaces brandish the latest sex toys in an empowering act that reminds us of self-pleasure. This exposure to sex toys can make us more comfortable with seeing them while also reminding us that sex toys are not dirty objects that need to be hidden away.

​

For some, seeing a sex toy being displayed so openly like this would make them recoil or even feel shame. Just the sight of a sex toy can make some people feel dirty for wanting to reclaim and explore their sexuality. We need to work on dismantling the purity culture that still exists in society so that sex toys can be celebrated and welcomed rather than remain a secret we whisper about.

​

It is no secret that those with vulvas tend to orgasm more often on their own through masturbation than with a partner. Forbes comments that “a study found that 39% of women said they always orgasm when they masturbate, compared to 6% during sex”.

​

The reasons for this discrepancy could range from a lack of communication to a lack of clitoral stimulation during sex with a partner. This statistic doesn’t mean that sex with a partner can’t be amazing, but instead tells us that women and those assigned female at birth are more likely to orgasm alone than when with someone else. Masturbation offers us the best chance to orgasm, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of reaching this through the use of sex toys.

​

Sex toys allow those of us with vulvas to reclaim our sexualities for ourselves, taking a hold of our own orgasms in an empowering act that prioritises pleasure. Sex toys, masturbation and our own pleasure are not shameful or sinful, they are powerful and deserve to be reclaimed.